How To Decide What You Really Want

A woman's hand choosing a chocolate from a box


We’re doing right well, aren’t we? In the last two posts we’ve:

This is the big subject for almost everyone I coach.

“I’m not really sure what I want.”
“I think I want that – but how can I be certain?”

Sound familiar?

Well, there are some excellent exercises we can do to ascertain that but first I want to point out something to carefully consider when thinking about your own goal.

What I notice is that, more often than not, it’s not that we don’t know what we want, it’s more that we’re scared of admitting it, even scared of following the thought processes, because if we do, we’ll be faced with….


the blood curdling reality of what it might take to achieve it…Janet Leigh scream

Hard work – eek!


Sacrifice – aargh!


Wipe out our life savings – noooo!


Lose our friends – OMG!


Quit our steady job – shiiiiit!


And it’s true, nobody learns Chinese / how to play the violin / ends their marriage / pens their novel / starts up a new business / relocates to Southeast Asia without a fair bit of at least some of the above “horrors”.

And what if we change our mind and all this effort has been for nothing? How do we go back?

What we need to realise is that, life is not about taking steps back, but about taking steps forward. 

There’s no such thing as a “wrong step” because absolutely every single thing we do teaches us a lesson.

And that’s why we’re here: to experience and learn stuff.

I just got bit on the arse by something that I saw disappear down the back of the seat after I squealed and spun round to investigate. You could see it as a negative. I see it as a lesson to wear long pants on the Koh Phangan to Koh Samui ferry!

It’s a flippant example but you see my point, right?

Are you “not sure” simply because you’re scared of the potential hard work and/or sacrifices it may involve?

If you don’t know whether your goal is right for you, I want you to take a few deep breaths, put your shoulders down, and sit with the following question:

If I felt fully supported, had all the resources and time I needed, knew exactly what steps to take, and knew that I simply couldn’t fail, is this goal really what I want to achieve?

Don’t overthink it. Don’t weigh up the pros and cons. Feeeel the answer.

Don’t go all pie & a pint on me; you can do this woo-woo stuff. The answer is inside you, you’ve just gotta ask the question and listen to the answer.

So, be still. Feel how it feels.

If the answer comes back as yes (and you’re probably smiling and feeling a sense of relief mixed with a bit of nervousness), then you’re doing great.

It means this is a good goal for you. (Yippee, well done!!)

If you answer no, or not really, or I don’t think so, or you get a sickly feeling (rather than en excited nervousness) then it’s likely not the right goal for you right now.

If you’re still not sure, that’s OK. What you need is my “values eliciting exercise”.

Your whaaat?!

In layman’s terms it’s where you and I have a structured talk about what you’re about and from it we get a list of your top 6 values.

  • 3 of them are the ones you’d ideally like to have present in your life, and when they are you’ll feel a whole bunch happier!
  • The other 3 are the ones that, when present, will make you stick at your goal through thick and thin.
When all 6 of these values are present in your goal, OMG, my lovely, you’re onto a mahoosive winner!

So, ask yourself… Do you want to…

  • find out what your real values are?
  • finally figure out what deep down makes you tick?
  • understand why you presently feel unfulfilled?
  • know for sure whether a goal is truly what you want?
  • have the perfect goal for yourself and tangible steps to get you started?
If you said yes to even just one of the above, then this is exactly what you’ve been hoping for.
Trust me, it’s life-changing stuff.
And it takes just a month and we talk over the phone and by email.

Ready to understand yourself, at long last?

If not now, when? If not you, who?